The Light at the End of the Funnel
Filing from the Express Start Breakfast Bar of the Holiday Inn Express in Medina, Ohio
RS: The political scene in this country has become ultraweird, Louis. Have you noticed?
LS: Are you talking about the mad dog ravings of the Republican hopeful or the slippery economics of the Democrat candidate?
RS: Well, the most disturbing rantings are coming from the old man outta Arizona. He's on his way to becoming one of those muttering geriatrics who mix up their view of the old days with whatever's on t.v.
LS: Not entirely fair, but i suppose you have a personal insight into this condition, Dick.
RS: Doesn't mean I can't read the road signs as the driver of the conservative prim and propers swerves all over the damned road, trying to simultaneously avoid and run over Barry Obama. Republicans seem to be overwhelmed by the more liberal of the senators, and are throwing out a lot of McCain's jello as they try to nail it to something.
LS: You're right, Dick. The G.O.P. faithful are surprised that Obama has gotten so far in the campaign. Perhaps they've been too enraptured by their blinding rage and bitter team-first rallies to notice that of the two candidates, Barack Obama has maintained a clear head and a relatively straightforward path. Or maybe it's the mentality of rabid sports fans, who will not accept anything but an overwhelming victory by their beloved football club. Either way, Republicans across the country should wake up and pay attention: this election is not about whose side you are on. Candidates are supposed to be elected on their position and their promise, and McCain is not giving enough of either to the country. He's been taking the hooligan campaign tricks of the last administration and twisting them into something insidious and cruel. Senator McCain has gone too far with his dirty pool, and Governor Palin is overstepping with every repetition of 'who is Barack Obama.' This might not be the return to honorable campaigning; truly, was there ever really such a thing? But it could possibly signal a turning of the tide in the American heart. Perhaps the country has finally tired of vituperous attacks and shrill slogans and dark, menacing television adverts where a simple-sounding voice takes a quote out of context and questions the motives of a candidate.
RS: Or maybe the vilification of John McCain is finally complete: first the shameful service record up until his capture in Vietnam, then his indiscrete shackup with Cindy Lou 'Butterlips' Hensley while still married to crippled Carol McCain, then his less-maverick-than-advertised history in the Senate, and now this... A failing presidential bid, surely the last he'll be capable of mustering, brought down by silly stunts ('suspending' his campaign to fix the economy), strange and sudden economic plans (the surprise debate announcement of his troubled mortgage loan buyout plan), and rabid pit bulls in lipstick who are spreading a gospel of hate and fear that must have Karl Rove and Dick Cheney simultaneously licking their lips and trembling in fear. McCain has backfired on all cylinders, and only the people who vote Republican either because of genetic repulsion to anyone Ronald Reagan didn't inspire or because they have too much special interest money tied up in the G.O.P. are unable to see his downfall. LIke the last train out of Hate, John McCain is rolling into a dark night of despair, and because his party has preached such intolerance of everyone else,
RS: The political scene in this country has become ultraweird, Louis. Have you noticed?
LS: Are you talking about the mad dog ravings of the Republican hopeful or the slippery economics of the Democrat candidate?
RS: Well, the most disturbing rantings are coming from the old man outta Arizona. He's on his way to becoming one of those muttering geriatrics who mix up their view of the old days with whatever's on t.v.
LS: Not entirely fair, but i suppose you have a personal insight into this condition, Dick.
RS: Doesn't mean I can't read the road signs as the driver of the conservative prim and propers swerves all over the damned road, trying to simultaneously avoid and run over Barry Obama. Republicans seem to be overwhelmed by the more liberal of the senators, and are throwing out a lot of McCain's jello as they try to nail it to something.
LS: You're right, Dick. The G.O.P. faithful are surprised that Obama has gotten so far in the campaign. Perhaps they've been too enraptured by their blinding rage and bitter team-first rallies to notice that of the two candidates, Barack Obama has maintained a clear head and a relatively straightforward path. Or maybe it's the mentality of rabid sports fans, who will not accept anything but an overwhelming victory by their beloved football club. Either way, Republicans across the country should wake up and pay attention: this election is not about whose side you are on. Candidates are supposed to be elected on their position and their promise, and McCain is not giving enough of either to the country. He's been taking the hooligan campaign tricks of the last administration and twisting them into something insidious and cruel. Senator McCain has gone too far with his dirty pool, and Governor Palin is overstepping with every repetition of 'who is Barack Obama.' This might not be the return to honorable campaigning; truly, was there ever really such a thing? But it could possibly signal a turning of the tide in the American heart. Perhaps the country has finally tired of vituperous attacks and shrill slogans and dark, menacing television adverts where a simple-sounding voice takes a quote out of context and questions the motives of a candidate.
RS: Or maybe the vilification of John McCain is finally complete: first the shameful service record up until his capture in Vietnam, then his indiscrete shackup with Cindy Lou 'Butterlips' Hensley while still married to crippled Carol McCain, then his less-maverick-than-advertised history in the Senate, and now this... A failing presidential bid, surely the last he'll be capable of mustering, brought down by silly stunts ('suspending' his campaign to fix the economy), strange and sudden economic plans (the surprise debate announcement of his troubled mortgage loan buyout plan), and rabid pit bulls in lipstick who are spreading a gospel of hate and fear that must have Karl Rove and Dick Cheney simultaneously licking their lips and trembling in fear. McCain has backfired on all cylinders, and only the people who vote Republican either because of genetic repulsion to anyone Ronald Reagan didn't inspire or because they have too much special interest money tied up in the G.O.P. are unable to see his downfall. LIke the last train out of Hate, John McCain is rolling into a dark night of despair, and because his party has preached such intolerance of everyone else,
they are about to follow him into the bleakness. McCain cannot even claim to be a King Lear, since the ending is not a tragic one.
LS: I had no idea you could be poetic, Dick.
RS: It's not poetry. I found it on an Elvis Costello bootleg.
LS: Either way, it's accurate and strangely optimistic, coming from you. The country could, in the wake of this monumental election, awaken from the terrible spell cast over it by malevolent bi-partisanship and sinister deeds that are protected under the Presidential Records Act, and breathe in air that is still untainted by the Drill Baby Drillers and their mad dash to ecological destruction.
RS: With any luck,
LS: I had no idea you could be poetic, Dick.
RS: It's not poetry. I found it on an Elvis Costello bootleg.
LS: Either way, it's accurate and strangely optimistic, coming from you. The country could, in the wake of this monumental election, awaken from the terrible spell cast over it by malevolent bi-partisanship and sinister deeds that are protected under the Presidential Records Act, and breathe in air that is still untainted by the Drill Baby Drillers and their mad dash to ecological destruction.
RS: With any luck,
Americans might find a new era of enlightenment. Not because Barack Obama is president, but because the unsafe and destructive policies of a rotten dynasty of men who play by whatever it takes to keep their dim, shortsighted, and narrow views of their small parts of the world moving in the direction they prefer, right or wrong. Darwin almost had it right... the survival of the fittest works almost every time, unless the rest of the population decides to do something about it. That's what America is doing: lumbering to their feet and surveying the damage of the ruthlessly feckless who have come far too close to taking us all to several brinks of disaster by abusing their power, the power granted them by the people of this country. America is shaking off the sleep dust and making a change for the good of the country and, finally, for the world. This is a different time for nations, and isolationism has never been our strong suit. We have been a great country before. Now let us become great once again.
LS: You've been covering politics a long time, Dick. How does this compare to any other important races?
RS: Considering what is at stake: economic destruction, global security and goodwill, possibly the soul of a nation, I cannot think of anything that comes close. I don't know that Carter could have spent the money Reagan did, but I don't know that he would've laid such groundwork to beat out the Soviet Union by attrition, either. Maybe Humphrey vs. Nixon, but we didn't have such a great notion of what was coming next. The problem with hindsight is that it is never as focused as the present.
LS: So we're looking at another debate Wednesday, the final one in the campaign. Any predictions?
RS: Obama will get a little more pissed and cut at McCain. LIttle verbal jabs at first, but enough to leave him bleeding out. McCain is going to be blindsided. He won't be as lucid as he needs to be, and the Chicago politician will continue to exude confidence and clarity. What do you see, Louis?
LS: I think McCain's handlers will have him reign in the attack talk, seeing how poorly it has played outside of the GOP rallies. I also think he will be gracious towards Obama, or at least less condescending. No more of that 'he just doesn't understand' talk that made him look smug in the first debate. He'll also learn to stay on topic, at least more than the second debate. His campaign posture has been too scattered lately, so McCain must manage to pull it together or he's a maverick footnote.
RS: True enough. You know, it would be good to hear from some foreign correspondents about the view from outside our fishbowl.
LS: I'm lining something up, so hopefully we'll hear something later this week. In the meantime, what's the betting line?
RS: What's the spread on a home run for Barry not Bonds?
LS: Obama by 9 points.
LS: You've been covering politics a long time, Dick. How does this compare to any other important races?
RS: Considering what is at stake: economic destruction, global security and goodwill, possibly the soul of a nation, I cannot think of anything that comes close. I don't know that Carter could have spent the money Reagan did, but I don't know that he would've laid such groundwork to beat out the Soviet Union by attrition, either. Maybe Humphrey vs. Nixon, but we didn't have such a great notion of what was coming next. The problem with hindsight is that it is never as focused as the present.
LS: So we're looking at another debate Wednesday, the final one in the campaign. Any predictions?
RS: Obama will get a little more pissed and cut at McCain. LIttle verbal jabs at first, but enough to leave him bleeding out. McCain is going to be blindsided. He won't be as lucid as he needs to be, and the Chicago politician will continue to exude confidence and clarity. What do you see, Louis?
LS: I think McCain's handlers will have him reign in the attack talk, seeing how poorly it has played outside of the GOP rallies. I also think he will be gracious towards Obama, or at least less condescending. No more of that 'he just doesn't understand' talk that made him look smug in the first debate. He'll also learn to stay on topic, at least more than the second debate. His campaign posture has been too scattered lately, so McCain must manage to pull it together or he's a maverick footnote.
RS: True enough. You know, it would be good to hear from some foreign correspondents about the view from outside our fishbowl.
LS: I'm lining something up, so hopefully we'll hear something later this week. In the meantime, what's the betting line?
RS: What's the spread on a home run for Barry not Bonds?
LS: Obama by 9 points.
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