$10,300,000,000.00. That is the amount of debt the United States is currently in as I write this (which means it is at least double that number by the time you are reading this). Our debts are spread among many fine institutions such as the Bank of Communist China and Al Quada Federal Credit Union. By my calculations, we should be 100% foreign owned by noon tomorrow. This can't be the future we envisioned for our country. There has got to be a solution.

Thanks to my brilliant mind, there is one. After many minutes of pondering the situation, I decided that capitalism is the corner-stone of the country and therefore there has to be some sort of product or service we could offer the global community that would earn the type of cash we need to pay off this debt. After analyzing the current markets and trends of the consumer, I developed this formula: PORNOGRAPHY + DISNEY = $$$.

Everybody loves pornography and everybody buys Disney merchandise. Using common sense, the value of them combined is much greater than their sum. We could pay off the debt and never have to pay taxes again. Crime would cease and people would never die.

I know right about know you're asking yourself, "great idea, but how can we combine porno and Disney - that sounds hard!" Well, I tossed around having Ron Jeremy star in the lead "High School Musical 4: Sharpay gets knocked up," but that wouldn't have the optimum market appeal that I had hoped for. Apparently the more hardcore the pornography gets, the less Disney-like the content is and therefore the equation becomes imbalanced. Besides, Ron Jeremy just isn't as appealing as he used to be now that he has gotten too fat to suck his own cock.

Instead of taking a porn star and placing them in a Disney setting, a better strategy would be to take a Disney character and place them in a soft-core pornographic situation. It is the characters, after all, that the billions of fans gawk over. And it would be subtle exploitation in true Disney fashion, just what we need. All we need now is to pick a character that best represents the Disney brand; who could that be?

How about Hannah Montana?

I did market studies and have found that if Miley Cyrus (AKA Hannah Montana) does a full frontal pictorial, we will earn approximately $2 quadrillion in revenues from goods sold across the globe. If she exposes just both breasts, $10 trillion, one breast, $5 trillion, and if she does a non-nude provocative pose then we will actually lose money from lawsuits and boycotts from angry christian groups. It is clear the choice that must be made.

Our nation's problems could be solved, it all rests on her consent. So let's hear it Miley, are you a patriot or not? Will you support President Bush by showing us your bush or are you going to let the terrorists win? I vote for freedom.