BrinkZINE: Urgent Update

Urgent Update

Dearest Boakes,

although we haven't had time for a verbal exchange recently, I hope this missive finds you in good health and order, do you have to wear a gown during the day?

When I was last rushed to Haywards Heath Psychiatric I arrived there without pajamas as it was an emergency (long story involving setting fire to my office). However they re-clothed me (my Mole Skin Suit had been torn apart by the wild boar I was trying to make love to) in a little green mini dress with like a lace up bodice thing going on. I quite enjoyed this part and because of the petrol I had been drinking for some days I could behave like the flirtatious whore I am with no guilt, freedom, proper freedom.

I have drunk your side of the Walnut cocktail cabinet, will probably drink my side over the next few hours. I''ll leave the Oak casked Sherry, it's miles down the end of the cellar. I was told that if you drink at least twenty five feet underground you're ok anyway and of course all Benelux countries.

I believe we have to get away to one of our satellite offices 'find a clear spot' as the Captain understands well,

perhaps into our green and pleasant. We have been recording that Beetroot growing for the last three months in Devon that'll be fun to edit, also the caged Rook theory needs to be recorded and re-tested. For some reason Privet thinks we should fire them at one another very quickly down a drainpipe, bloody mess.

In fact Privet is really doing my fucking head in at the moment, he's really not well. He's taken to hiding in the Shampoo's and Conditioners in Superdrug and refuses to come out so I get the call. Harry's in the hair product display again and another bloody taxi to the Western Road outlet, Yes! Western Road, not our local in London Road! He'll only come out from under the rack if you show him the right hair colour and it changes every bloody day,

ash blonde done the trick earlier.

All he's eating is Pate from a shoe box saying to himself Oh that's the way you do it with a question like inflexion. He's looking after JH's stock portfolio's at the moment and he's making some bloody outrageous investments. Jandek owns at present over half the shares in Woolworth's that were exchanged for his arms manufacturing contracts for the next ten years, one of his most busiest projected periods.

You going to tell him? JH was only on the phone the other day Big nose made my day today! Treadmill I sell your sock, fuck knows what he was going on about but you see he was 'happy'.

After the last weeks trading a la Privet, JH's shells that would have rained terror, plus the odd heat seeker or that would have found their way up our ringpieces, have been wiped off the map. The only shells he can throw at us in retribution now are his empty Woolworth shops, it's still very scary though.

Just thought I'd check in ol boy.

Rgs's GT

REACTIONSAscending | Descending

PRIVETANDBOAKES

Thursday, 29 January 2009

G Treadmill,

I at present liasing with JH on those Woolworths empty retail outlets, had a plan with HG (our primary funder) who believes now that the next big thing is to be ice cream - its gonna bust the bust we are in big time here. Watch this space. Glad you drank my half, I have been without a gown, but sedated sufficiently not to get those physical urges a certain human can get. Nettle (optional extra : added yoghurt only mixed to the left) Rash Tea is my latest drink. Hot or cold. I know where I am with Jandek, so I trusted his uncles brother in law to ship me some to Brighton. They left half a pallett full, a radiogram wired up to a dying lorry battery, playing old and early porn type sleaze-muzak and a carton of Donkey Shred. God knows what time and what on. His boys come up exactly with what it says on the tin though, and thats a fact worth noting or scribbling down on your hand.. I do think Jandek is going thru one of his childhood deceptive game phases. Watch out Gimble, it could get messy.. I am not too sure unless I see the proof, which, as he says, is the proof of a slopopodunk. Any ideas what he means? Bob may know...

Anyhow the old wolf is scratching and prowling around the front door. So I need to be aware of where I am all day and night. Which, as it happens, is good for me. I just dont figure when or where the sleeping gets better. In all Benelux countries it is only legal to make love on odd numbers of the month.....FACT - Jandek just texted me this detail in relation to his condom on a stick ice cream van business summer sales marketing report.....chilled, warm or frozen options too. Its causing him some big probs with organizing the stock on the vans.

I know of nothing else of any other importance. Oh, keep an eye on PaulH, he`s got those bastard wolf pack round his way too. He`s getting limited support from me, because he does the opposite of what I suggest, granted his ear trumpets are in for servicing, but....Cant handle that. Doing the opposite of what I tell him too? I jst wont have it.

Am working on a new tome called The Tibetan Book Of The Alive, which HG believes will be a big one for Xmas 09 - maybe a Number 1 somewhere... who knows? I keep getting home made yoghurt thrown over the new mettalic grey Hummer I got with latest months commission from Jandek this month and too much of these Buddhip types` Heron incense. They set them on fire, blow them out with a weird look in their faces and attach them to any available chink in the Hummers armour.

Do you have any opinions on the Quantity vs Quality debate?

I will be over to help more some bugger with his carer, seems she`s finding it too hard a job for just herself.

rgds

GB
Bendicks Old Whistle Brush was the latest real ale i saw in one of J`s vans by the way. Tried it out yet? Kicks the shakes into their holding position quick at 8.76%

BOBJOHNSON

Thursday, 29 January 2009

Hi guys, firstly I'd prefer it if you wouldn't include a mention of me in any messages to ANY of your shister associates - ever. It took a long while to detatch myself from your so called 'trading' company. I was specifically offended when JH held a slopopodunk to my youngest childs throat until we signed those papers to increase our mortgage to pay for his parrafin fiasco. If he's using the word 'slopopodunk' in any of his vocabulary, for christs sake keep your fucking heads down - all of you. A slopopodunk is a frozen sea bass which in JH's hands is lethal, the killing art known as troughshoaling was taught by his gypsy uncle who lived on the Steppes in a tin bath. It's a sign of imminent retribution, a code. I think you lot are in the shit - at last, good luck - bob