I sometimes regret not shagging Thatcher when I had the chance back in 92, she was begging for it after I slipped some Rowi's in her fizzy water at a Guild Hall gathering. It would have been a pleasure to have slipped her a good dose of warts, Herpes, Gonorrhea and Hep C from my war torn pork sword. Unfortunately I became more fixated on the array of the finest Scottish Malts which dissipated my urge to dominate some ol bint in a two piece.

I have a total disrespect for any politician past or present, tobacco always goes up, booze goes up, enough said.

I must have pissed myself last night which eventually woke me at lunchtime. BBC news was still buzzing away from last night showing big overpowering images of America. I then realised I would get no other news today apart from some glossy fly on the wall removal show.

Rather than mutter on about colonials, the empire, Boston Tea Party etc. I decided to embrace the day with two cases of Old Grandad and as much steak as I could get down my throat. Oh look a politician, oh look another fucking politician, the Bourbon soothed my disgust, the steak slowly adding to my required testosterone levels.

I was going to write quite a detailed piece on this but I've got too pissed again. I'll sum it up, you lot occasionally pick off the odd president, for fuck sake leave this one alone he's a bit of a geezer and he smokes, that says a lot in my book.