Didn't get up until 4pm but feeling a lot better for it, god I needed some sleep and with this nausea, life's has been mentally debilitating. I feel as though the anxiety has quelled a little today, I am practicing to keep my connection clear and identify when I'm working from my ego and not from my heart.

Being aware of my ego and my soul and practicing separation is absolutely necessary for me to cope with life. I must, I will, whatever, I should practice this on a daily basis because I know it improves my mood, lessens anxiety therefore making me more manageable. I am fully aware now that anxiety is the route of my depression, anything I can do to give me some rationale which reduces negative projection (worry) is of immense use. I take my anti depressant regularly or else I get a withdrawal so this daily exercise should be paramount, the withdrawal is suddenly feeling disconnected from the universe and entrenched in the illusion again.

I am beginning to feel as though I have to re-train the ego to be at peace with the now which I understand is frightening for it and writing this I can feel it's trepidation. The ego needs to validate itself in either the past or the future, living in the past can cause pain, guilt, the future brings worry and fear of the unknown, what if's, stress which for me leads to anxiety and eventual depression.

I practiced non attachment lunchtime. It was again so pertinent and made so much sense, don't name things, don't attach words in your mind with what you see; a seagull flew by and I gave it no attachment, connection and clarity came back to put me in a hugely relaxed mood. Looking at the sea sparkling in the sunshine, not giving it a name, the more of the natural items I brought into view the more the feeling that everything is connected and of the same part allowed me to fall asleep. I had sweet dreams, one that I was talking to an old girlfriend, she was so excited and had so much positive stuff to talk about, lots of smiles and laughs. Later this evening she got in touch, the last person I would have thought after our rather acrimonious decay.

This process is so important for me to perform everyday, magic happens. One day the practice will pay off dividends when ego alines with soul naturally and the illusion can't trick me into being dragged in again.

If you form a protection layer of true happiness and joy, it will ensure the negative elements of life are minimalistic.