Medland is a town located on the Coastal Fork of the Willamette River near Eugene Oregon. Ms. Medbud Mama resides there with a number of critters and, occasionally her significant other, Mr. Paul For those who do not know Medbud Mama, she is a 6'9", 390 pound landed Dutch immigrant transvestite who works as a medical marijuana advocate by day and a phone sex provider during the rest of her time. Medbud lived in Portland, Oregon before the iniquitous city fell into the Willamette River and debris from the city washed past Medland to the Pacific. The town has a fluid population of about 350 residents, with a scattering in the rural areas surrounding Medland. Plastinates posed throughout the area are unofficially included in local census data. Many residents plastinate deceased loved ones, placing them in honored, or sacred places throughout the Medland area, which encompasses about thirty square miles.

Near the town of Medland is the verdant expanse known as Medland Meadows. It's here that a large herd of feral pygmy goats roam, munching on spider mite resistant strains of medicine. They also allow an odd hermit who goes by "Cannabis Cal" to milk lactating goats. A dairy products plant in a nearby town turns the milk Cal brings them into delicious yogurts.

The Mayor of Medland is Stone Smith who is a principle investor in Medland Enterprises, a company specializing in medical products . Stone is a hedgehog collector who has a representative member from twelve of the species on earth, including one very rare albino. He hopes to acquire an example from the other two species, but says hedgehogs can be xenophobic and the ones he has don't always get along - especially since they come from Europe Asia and Africa. However, according to Mayor Smith, Medland is a melting pot conducive to peaceful, loving cohabitation

Medland Times Media is the primary news outlet in town. The print edition complements the electronic and MTM also operates a radio station. International correspondent Jack Loft is in love with Medbud Mama, describing her in glowing terms that ring true to anyone who knows her. Loft is a 4'3" man with a ruddy, sanguine complexion and a fair amount of padding tissue acquired munching too many medicated brownies covered in medicated ice cream. Since Loft lives near Medland and knows everyone in the area, we asked him to introduce some of the locals, beginning with the local sheriff, Otis Ocelot.

"Good to meet you Sheriff Ocelot. I have to say that this city hall is an interesting structure. Just the beams in it must have cost Medland a small fortune."

"Yes Jack, it a pleasure as well. Actually, the genetically modified strain that produces old growth size plants within two years is where this lumber came from. It's the same strain the MedBud Tree of Life was grown from."

"Ocelot is an interesting surname. How did you came by it?"

"Wow! I know some of you reporters are dumb fucks, but you're Captain Dumbfuck. How does anyone come by a surname - you know, parents... I'm kidding Jack. My father was an actor in L.A. and legally changed his name, otherwise I'd be Sheriff Bobcat. Whatever the name, these medicated mice around here know they need to stay on their best behavior, or get devoured Can you excuse me for a moment Jack? We have a couple of cardholders in jail and I need to dispense their medication to them."

Uh..., sure Officer Ocelot.

Jack sat looking about the office while Ocelot performed his official function. The Sheriff's office is really kind of a shrine to the Magnificent Ms. Medbud Mama, who is kind of a spiritual guru in the community. Loft couldn't subdue his rising emotions as he looked at a poster size print of his true love wearing nothing but a boa that couldn't conceal the sensuous curvature of her wondrous form. She stood there in the image, posing seductively while her long, flowing, gorgeous golden tresses fell past her shoulders like summer corn silk in a gentle wind. The high resolution image captured the skin Loft longed to touch - skin so soft it makes goose down seem like sandpaper, and seal fur seem like steel wool. The emotions flooded Jack's mind with memories of the night he and Medbud spent together before saying goodbye to the Medtree of life after the orcs of Portland committed the ultimate act of sacrilege against the beautiful, benign, benevolent One who is Ms. Medbud. Then the office door opened as Officer Ocelot strode in, smoking out of the piece he carries on his belt.

Loft looked at the tall, lean, thin-featured Ocelot, asking, "So, Officer, why do you have those guys in jail?"

"Who says they're guys, Reporter Dumbfuck?"

"Well... I just..."

"Never mind Loft... Man! You really need to lighten up and not take things too seriously. Here Man! These are from Medland Law, and Jiminy Jones in particular. I guess they are representing some orca that killed a bunch of tobacco smokers down south. Anyway, the orca doctor over prescribed doses of Xanax to Jiminy's client and the good lawyer brought some Xanax back to our stressful community. That fucking PTSD is contagious you know. Anyway, the bogart bitches in jail were caught hogging the Xanax, so Judge Jackwin gave 'em 24 hours in the cooler - almost without medication."

"Uh..., thanks a lot Officer Ocelot. How many do I take?"

"The good Doctor had to put in a special wholesale order with Pfizer to keep that fucking Villicum calm. Let's see..., Villy was taking two cases, which is 2000 bars... Here, just eat six of them. Mama is dozing over at her place and you can go snuggle your fat head into the warm, inviting, security-inducing utopia that is her bossom. How does that sound Shit Bag?"

"Uh... pretty good Double O. Is Paul around?"

"Relax Man. Here have a couple more Xanax. Paul is up north trying to pick up the pieces of Portland, but we all told him it's hopeless. Besides, there's no possessive jealousy in Medland. Fucking is just fucking. It doesn't have to be anything more unless a couple wants it to be. Paul knows Medbud is faithful in heart, if not in body. He doesn't care. Here, have a couple more, and maybe a hit of this Purple Panacea. Oh yeah! Here's a fifth of Sang Som you can take too."

"Wow. Thanks again Double O."

"You coming down to the Medland Dance Hall tonight? Ms. Medbud said she'll be there to do a little slow dancing with the least secure members of our community. They find it very therapeutic to snuggle their heads into the bosom of a 390 pound, 6'9" landed Dutch immigrant transvestite. How about you Jack? You feeling kinda insecure?"

"You bet I am, if it means a slow dance with Mama. Are the Big Blue Ones with the funny tails going to be there?"

"Yeah. They're usually hanging out at Medland Models, the local strip club, but they'll be there at the dance hall tonight. We had to contact Thai Beverage Plc to import a couple of hundred 210 liter barrels so we can keep those blue booze hounds supplied. Melanie Maxter claims one of them knocked her up, so we're all waiting to see. Might be interesting. That fucking March Hare is going to be there too. He's always bouncing around throwing tea cups, but we don't care because it doesn't hurt too much - especially with the river flowing Xanax right now. Chessy comes too, but he just hangs out in the rafters grinning. You coming?

But Jack had already drifted off to a world only he knows. It's the same world the rest of us know, but different. A parade of plastinates passed on the street outside, playing the MedBud Medley written by Jiminy Jones and his Legal Perdedor Band. Medbud Mama lay asleep on her Medbed of Life, dreaming of time. The diminutive Loft soon joined her.