Dirt is caked underneath my fingernails and you cannot see the color of the skin on my legs because they are covered in bug bites that look more like thick, puss-filled welts. The pit of my stomach feels like it is going to fall out of my body and I have been thirsty since I walked off the plane. And I wonder, has there ever been life before this?

Without cars, television, and computers, people are left to pencils and paper, walking and running and skipping, spending time face to face, and spending time in the world that is still green and still blue. There is still bare feet and people who are more personal than text messaging and emails.

I found it in Belize.

Homelessness and poverty and sex trafficking are also in Belize. We are a beautiful, broken human race. And now that I am home I'm aching to be there with the humanity that bears their beauty and brokenness so openly. Without the smog in your eyes you have space to see people, and see God, for who they really are.

I learned to love again. I learned that everyone, everyone needs to be loved. And love, God's kind of love that is set apart and kind and big, changes hearts. I saw God's love melt the heart of an ex-Crip gang member who used to murder and rape, and now he sings all the time-- songs of praises flow from his lips and he can't stop or hide his joy in the Lord who gave him back his innocence.

The murderer is as loved as the orphan, and that is beautiful. It isn't fair, and thank God He isn't, because I think if we all got what we deserved I wouldn't be loved either. And how amazing that I got to show people what real love looks like. I got to tell people that Jesus loves them, in this honest, unfaltering way that I could never understand.

I don't need to go to Belize to show the world love, though. I realized while I was there that I can show the man who gives me my starbucks coffee the same love I showed my Richard at the orphanage. I can be a light on my college campus, and maybe show someone that God isn't a white church or traditions or saints (He can't be limited or dismissed as that). I can show the world, especially jaded America, that God is not republican or democrat and He does not favor anyone. I can show them, instead, that God is love-- love that changes, love that fills, love that moves. I'm a new person, a new creation. Love did that to me. Love made me go to Belize. And love made me come back here.

I have stories-- stories of miracles and heartbreak and God, and I can't help but share them with whoever will listen (or read). I really got to live-- it was uncomfortable and risky and dangerous and it was the first time I really felt life for what I think God meant it to be. I know for me, the suburban life wasn't enough. Thank God that I am meant to live for more than this.