A few folk may remember that I am the pragmatic conservative who owns the right-leaning tavern Heteronly in Portland, Oregon. As myself, and my conservative fellows move toward the mandate that the people of this great country voted for during the last election, I think it's important that we let the American people know just what the liberals stand for. It's well established (among those who believe it) that our president is not an American citizen and is a Muslim who probably advocates jihad against America. But he is just one man. Please read on to learn more about the liberal agenda.

First of all, the liberals are environmentalists willing to do anything to eviscerate our oil economy, including expanding family planning to the point that all conservative Christians be encouraged to have abortions so the fetuses can be used to produce... that's right, you guessed it: biodiesel. The Baby's for Biodiesel campaign is in full swing, being run by liberal environmental groups investing in aborted fetus futures. This may sound crazy, but that's why we've decided to let you know about it at the Brink.

As we breathe the liberal homosexual community known as California is building biodiesel plants to produce a foul brew of biodiesel from aborted fetuses and marijuana stalks. The emissions from these vehicles will indeed be better for the environment, but will also turn the entire population into LIBERALS, thereby ensuring the absolute and complete destruction of the human race as we know it. Everyone near a biodiesel fueled vehicle will be STONED, including infants, children and pets

The invisible thread that runs through contemporary society is clear, like a fish line designed to snare us in the web of evil quietly being formed around us. Yes, they are about to set the hook, but I'm here to let you know that you shouldn't bite. Consider the gay agenda. Conservative research (that is, research we've paid for) clearly establishes the link between medical marijuana and homosexuality. Liberals now want to expand their base by including infants in medical marijuana programs. As we know, one puff of marijuana can trigger the latent homosexual gene, leading to raging, flaming homosexuality - you know, marching in underwear, rainbow tattoos, bottom patting at the Superbowl (oops).

Now the liberals want to legalize gay marriage. What's next? The answer is that as our moral fiber rots we'll soon find interspecial marriage accepted and taxpayers footing the bill for beagles willing to submit themselves to their owners' perversions.


Oh... Sure... I know what you're thinking: that I'm just some conservative nut. I'M NOT CRAZY!!!
Even as I write this the liberal left is implanting the reproductive genes of rabbits into anyone who will vote for them, including homosexuals! Yes, they've figured out a way to help homosexuals reproduce like rabbits. We must load our varmint rifles with high capacity clips and do something to stop the destruction of America. Evanid, MedBud Mama and all of their freaky friends are busy destroying our traditional way of living - you know, the good ol' days when we put profits before people. Liberals don't want to work. They just grow that medical marijuana and produce the devil's diesel while a puffin' and a pattin'!

GOD SAVE AMERICA!

(This message has been produced and distributed with the generous support of Hetero Haven, a chain of straight retirement communities where the only weed is in the public park down the street)