This is an excerpt from a piece of writing I am compiling about my experience with depression and prison:

What is prison really like?  Prison is a roller coaster of emotions.  Each person is on their roller coaster surrounded by other people on their roller coasters.  Every day, if you don’t cry you know someone else has.  Every day, if you are not angry, someone else is.  Each night, news is received when good there are smiles or cries of joy and tears.  The news comes from solicitors bringing hope or more despair.  If the news comes from a friend more tears are cried because of their kind words and it only evokes feelings of guilt for the worry you have put them through.

Prison is a waiting game.  Each day movement slips arrive giving you permission to leave the house block to visit doctors, nurses, psychiatrist, AA, NA, visits or The Link to get advice on housing, jobs or religion.  These visits to gain information are often difficult because they encourage you to reveal your inner most thoughts and fears, to help you.

Prison is routine.  Wake up now, dress now, eat now, medication now, work now, lock down now, shave now, shower now, washing now, canteen now, exercise now, sleep now.

And all the time there is constant fear and panic feeling going on inside.  When is Court?  What will happen?  What sentence will I get?  How will I cope with a long stint in prison?  When will I get out?  Will I survive in the outside world with freedom again?