I don't know.  Since I've come back home from college, the house i grew up in no longer feels like "home".  If anything i feel lost when i come home.  When I'm away i have a better idea who i am, but when i come back i'm treated as the same person i was when i left and its so frustrating.  I'm the youngest in my family so i know i'm screwed because i will always be the baby in the eyes of my parents. they continuously keep trying to control my life and i just don't want to have to deal with the crap.

Maybe my family is just not meant to live with each other for more than a month due to our different life styles.  Theres me who curses and is "immature" and rebels against anything i don't want to do or anything i don't see me benefiting from. my sister who just moved back home after getter her masters in chem engineering, but realized now that she doesn't like it, and in the past 3 years has converted to the Mormon faith.  I never got to see this transition of her changing from rebellious teen to very conservative religious adult, so I'm bitter i feel like i don't know who she is.  And she constantly is judging me with her eyes.  My mom the most controlling person in the world and denies all her faults when i confront her about them.  my dad who tries so hard to win my affection. My brother is off in DC in his own life.  My parents are in couples therapy, i knew they would need it i had to live with them for 4 years alone while my bro and sis where at college so i listen and watched their passive aggressive fighting.

So i think this isn't a good environment for me to live in.  Therefore i'm applying for jobs with production companies in California, so i can expand my knowledge and grow more as a person.  I love traveling.  My mom is very bitter but i won't let that stop me, instead it fuels me.

I just find it interesting that at some point in your life your home no longer holds the same meaning it did before.  I'm in limbo know, with no place i truly feel home because I'm still in college and until i graduate and find a place to settle down in i will constantly be trying to create a place to satisfy my need of comfort.

I just hope my plan to go to cali for the summer pulls through and just don't end up being one of my fantasies.  And one day find that feeling of home again.