SPEND MORE THAN YOU MAKE? GOVERNMENT WILL HELP

Wartime President GW Bush decided to sign a bill that helps homeowners that bought more house than they could afford. The idea behind this plan is that mortgage companies, always known for their big hearts, will forgive large amounts of debt in order to lower the amount homeowners owe on their multi-bedroom multi-bathroom, thousands of square foot opulent homes that they had no business buying in the first place.

The theory is that the mortgage companies will do this to avoid costly foreclosure cost. I can’t wait to see that theory work.

I was in the real estate business for several years and was always amazed at the mortgage companies zeal to foreclose. You could bring them a perfectly qualified buyer and offer to pay up to date and take over the existing mortgage and they would always refuse, reason? "It’s not an assumable mortgage!" Invariably the new mortgage would be at a lower rate and the selling price of the home after the scourge of foreclosure had whittled down the value of the property would be much less than the existing mortgage, but – rules are rules and they never bent.

I have no pity for homeowners that owe more than their house is worth. I have no pity for mortgage companies. I only pity the poor taxpayers that will finance this boondoggle.

Your government at work.

WILL WE HAVE TO WORSHIP CHEETOS NOW?

A lady found a cheeto that looked to her like Jesus on the cross. She calls it "Cheesus". I’m waiting to see if it gets it’s own TV show and if we will be asked to send money. If so, I’d send a few bucks, no sense taking chances. Hell is full of non-believers.

I NEVER DID TRUST PEOPLE WITH DOGS AND CATS

Now I know why. Saudi religious police have outlawed the selling of dogs and cats. They also have outlawed walking down the street with one. And for good reason! It seems men have been using the animals to – I’ll try to put this delicately – make passes at women and harass families. Thank God someone out there is keeping an eye on these perverts.

The Saudi religious police are the same group that requires all Saudi women to be covered from head to toe and won’t allow them to drive. Keep up the good work boys. Keep those hussies in their place. Next thing you know the bitches will want to vote.

LA REALIZES POOR PEOPLE TOO STUPID TO KNOW WHAT TO EAT

As a result, the Los Angeles government in its infinite wisdom has outlawed fast food franchises in all poor areas. Don’t be surprised next time you are in a poverty stricken area in Southern California how slim and trim all of the beggars, welfare queens and crack whores are (OK the crack whores are already skinny, I’ll give you that one). If this catches on all over the USA just imagine, a Jerry Springer show where not one person is overweight. Now that’s beautifying America.

These are my opinions and should be yours.

Until next time...